my life seems so bleak.
to this one person,
i am sorry i have let you down time after time.
i am sorry i wasnt there when you needed me.
i am sorry i didnt fight for my rights to stay where i was.
i am sorry i missed out alot of things with you.
i am sorry i had to go and left you alone.
i am sorry i didnt try my best to help you though you woes.
i am sorry i have broken my promises.
i am sorry i have lied to you.
i am sorry i have hurt you.
i am sorry i have caused you pain.
i am sorry i have put you though misery.
i am sorry i have let you shed tears.
i am sorry i have let you endure so much hardships.
i am sorry i have added to your burden.
i am sorry i didnt do anything to help you.
i am sorry i made you stand in an awkward position cause of me.
i am sorry i didnt do my part as your brother.
sorry just dont cut it.
i know.
but well. i am doing my best to let you know how truly i regret my actions.
even with all the wrong i have done
and all the crap i did
and all the screw ups that happened,
there is one thing
one thing that i can never change the fact for.
one thing that my heart is always true to.
and that one thing is, the worth you are to me.
how much of a brother you mean to me.
how much i cherish you.
how much i am so attached to you.
how much i am afraid to lose you.
how much i dont wanna see you cry.
how much i dont wanna see you being burdened.
how much i dont wanna see you going those pain alone.
whatever happens to you saddens me.
you mean practically the world to me.
honestly.
i didnt wanna live a second longer then.
but after ACE camp, this young boy i met seems so lovable.
full of compassion and love.
and that person, was none other than you.
you gave me hope in my life.
for once,
i felt life is something worth living for.
something i could share with you and having a younger brother i ever dreamed.
honestly, if i didnt go for ACE camp, rejected the offer to go
or to change my appointment to ACE camp 2, i wouldnt have met you.
i wouldnt have this brother.
i wouldnt be so close to you.
you would just know me as his godson.
the guy round the chapel.
i am still glad i met you.
if i didnt
i would be dead
my life still seem so bleak.
i really want to die
ending my life once and for all
but
i think of you.
the thought of losing you.
because of my selfishness.
the thought that you have to endure if you were to lose me.
seriously.
it pains me.
seriously.
if you tell me that even if i die, you wont feel a thing,
i will take a lift to the 25th floor and jump.
or i would just get strike by lightning
or i would just take sleeping pills
or i would just coke myself to death.
even today. the sadness i saw that you have in me, makes me wanna cry.
even right now,
i wanna sleep. but i cant
i keep on thinking of you.
one thing.
i lied and i hurt you.
but
i swear to God in heaven
i never did once, lied about the way i feel for you.
the love that i have for you.
the care that i have for you.
the concern that i have for you.
seriously.
i treat you like my blood brother.
whatever happens to you, shakes me to.
you gave me life, hope and love.
you helped me find myself and gave meaning to it.
dont care what others says.
but hey you know what?
you made a difference in someone else life.
and that someone else is someone closer than you think
its non other than me.
you big brother here.
come on. whatever you have done or did, i cant care less.
i just want you to know, whatever it is.
i am here for you.
isnt it why we became brothers?
so that we can share our lives with one another.
you endure so much
the ups and downs,
i too had gone through alot.
i have given up many many times
but
you have somehow given me what was lost.
you are a God given gift to me.
i cherish you alot.
nothing i have can compare to you
i can say, i live in riches.
i have 10k at my disposal.
but.
am i happy?
the answer is a BIG FAT NO!
in fact, i feel more miserable.
why?
because, my riches cant buy love, my 10k cant buy love. whatever i have cant buy you.
you are a darling. a wonderful brother to me.
royal, riches and wealth cant compare to you.
you worth more than gold, jewel and whatever ppl consider as precious stone.
you are a divine gift.
sent from above.
i can lose whatever i have now.
riches, wealth and my 10k
but. i know for sure.
there is one thing,
as a human, that i cant lose.
i cant lose you
and i wont wanna lose you.
you gave me hope and life.
you mean so much to me.
i am willing to give up everything and anything just for you.
i put your life before anything else.
you worth is so more than anything on this earth.
i am willing to give up everything to ensure your well being.
didi, will you forgive me?
i am truly, deeply, sincerely, completely sorry for what i did.
give me this last chance to make it up to you.
pls dont let me lose hope in myself.
i dont want to let you down again.
dont let me be selfish and claim my own life.
i promise, i will stop those things. i swear i wont do it again.
although i feels good and lovely. but for the love of you
and the promise i have,
i now proclaim i will give it up and stop it.
i promise, i will not do it again.
my dear brother, i love you and no matter what happens, i will always love you.
i do care for you and i do look out for you.
be mr. happy
dont turn away because i want to help you in all your woes.
you are the brother i ever dreamed of having and i hope to have the best out of it.
i want to be part of your life and share with you smth that will comfort you for your life.
and that would be my love, care concern and understanding for you as a brother.